That Damn Stork!

You get to a time in your life when all your friends and family fall pregnant at about the same time and you find yourself attending lots of stork parties.

For most ladies this is the perfect opportunity to become broody. The cute clothes, blankets and mittens are enough to make even the hardest people into a gooey mess. And as ‘mother-to-be’ pulls out baby-grow after baby-grow the audience manages a collective “awwwww.”

I have attended two baby showers in the last week and after the first I was actually starting to like babies until yesterday!

There were about fifteen children at this party ranging from new-borns to about twelve years and the chaos that ensued was enough to put me off children for life. The high-pitched screaming, whining and crying left me close to suicidal and I may even have considered murder.

Young people are a horror!

However, without them there would be no adults. So what is to be done? Well, I suggest that children should be farmed. Scientists in white lab coats can create these strange creatures in test tubes and those adults pathetic enough to actually want to be surrounded by children can be the ‘farmers.’

That way when you’re sitting on a long-distance flight, or in a fancy restaurant or at a funeral there cannot be that ever-present screeching to ruin life’s better moments, in fact you would never have to deal with a little brat ever again!

I suppose eventually I will come to a stage in my life where I will want my own children and then I’ll look back on this moment and be completely flabbergasted that I could ever have written such a thing, but until then, let’s start farming babies!