Goodbye Friend

I know that you don’t owe me anything. Hell, I even know that I have absolutely no right to be upset. We have only ever, and will only ever be friends and although you will probably never notice, or admit it to yourself, there is a part of me that loves you.

I didn’t do it on purpose. In fact, I tried as hard as I possibly could to not let it happen. I guess I’ve known for a while now that while a part of my heart belongs to you, a part of yours has always and will always belong to her.

And rightfully so. She is beautiful, and probably the only person I know who is nearly as magnificent as you. She has the intelligence and the upbringing and the lifestyle that completely compliments yours. In comparison to her… actually I couldn’t bring myself to compare myself to her. I could never compare to her.

Not in your eyes anyway.

I have wanted to tell you all of this for such a long time but I am far too scared. I am terrified of exposing myself to you, for fear of what you could do to my heart, for fear of what you would do to my heart.

But I will say it now, because I have finally realised that I could never just be friends with you. I can try as hard as I want, but I am always going to be disappointed when you cancel on me, I am always going to be saddened when I can’t see you, I am always going to feel lost when I am reminded that you don’t care for me the way that I care for you.

So this is goodbye. Because I had no other way to tell you. Telling you in person would just be terrifying, telling you when you have already left will mean that your new life will be tainted with bad memories, and watching you walk away from me would finally and truly kill me.

So here it is, my goodbye. I know it isn’t much, but it’s all that is left of my soul, and I am giving it to you.