Big Bum Cheeks

So after my last blog article, in which I told you all that I was busy getting sick and that I had to have a vitamin B shot this morning, I got a text from a friend of mine. Cute, right? It is probably a message to say that he hopes I feel better soon or offering to make me chicken noodle soup.

WRONG

“Hehe, you got plenty of bum cheek for those shots.”

To say that I am offended would be a major understatement. The worst part was that I was soundly asleep when he sent the text so I only got it this morning. Trust me, being woken up to a reminder about your big, fat ass is not a good way to wake up.

So here I am, standing in front of my mirror twirling around while trying to catch my tail just so that I can see if the problem is really that bad. So far I have only managed to make myself dizzy and realized that stubbing my toe on the bottom of my bed while twirling around at a billion miles per hour is not only painful but results in blood loss.

The problem is that I have been on a diet for pretty much the whole year and whilst it was initially very effective, it has now come to a rather depressing standstill in which I am not just not losing weight but I think I may be gaining weight. And all this after a day of shopping with my mom in which I had to put at least three items back on the shelf because my damn ass was too big.

So, what is the solution? Well, I thought about going to gym this morning but I am now way too self-conscious to put on gym tights and way too depressed to be seen in public so instead I am going to devour an entire box of Ultramel custard and feel sorry for myself.