Oh to go back to those days when I was fearless; the days before I understood all the dangers of the world. Where my biggest fear was that my mom would catch my cousin and I causing mayhem and get her wooden spoon out. Oh to be fearless.
Our fears are what keep us alive however. Fears are what make us check both ways before we cross the road, the thing that stops us from jumping off of high buildings or cliffs. Yes, fear is a necessity; to a certain extent…
People often ask what my greatest fear is and I’d love to be able to get all philosophical and say that it’s hurting other people or whatever other lame fears you hear about in movies, but my greatest fear is losing control over my own body. It is one of the most terrifying experiences ever.
In my matric year at an inter-house gala I fainted in front of the entire school. My best friend was the only thing stopping me from cracking my head open on the side of the swimming pool. When I came round I was hyperventilating and I opened my eyes… I couldn’t see a thing. I closed them, and then opened them again. Still nothing.
I lost my sight for about two hours that night and it scared me nearly to death. I had absolutely no control over my own body and that terrified me. No matter what I did I couldn’t get my eyes to work. Eventually the doctors managed to fix me up and I’ve been fine ever since, well apart from the fainting thing.
Turns out I have a lack of iron in my body and sometimes I just faint, but it hasn’t happened in ages and I had almost forgotten about it.
Then last night I lost control of my body once again. I was at a friend of mines house warming this time and we were all drinking and smoking hub. I noticed early in the evening that I was shaking slightly but didn’t take much note of it. Later that evening my pulse went through the roof. It was beating hard and fast, way faster than it should have been but I sat down for a while and it started to calm down.
Just as we were about to go out, I stood up and that’s when it happened. My body started jerking; I had no control over my ligaments and couldn’t move voluntarily. My knees buckled under me and my elbows kept twitching and I was full conscious throughout. It was absolutely horrible and there was nothing I could do about it!
And then it dawned on me how much I take for granted. Having full control over my own body is something I’ve only thought about twice and yet there are people who have this problem every single day. I don’t think I would be able to survive. So next time you willing move your hand, or look at someone or something realize how lucky you are to be able to have that control and then wonder in awe at the beauty of life.
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