There we go, I did it again. Can you believe it? How pathetic!
I saw you on campus today; blue jeans, white shirt, blond hair, tanned skin.
So, I did what every normal human being does, I ducked, behind a tree, in front of at least a hundred eyes.
It gets worse though, because once you’d walked past I called myself an idiot, out loud, then turned and walked straight into the tree. Yes, pathetic is the word, I know, but I can’t help myself. You make me stupid.
It isn’t the first time. I know it won’t be the last time. I just don’t know what to do when I see you. I’m terrified that I’ll say something stupid, or forget to speak or, God forbid, hug you for an awkwardly long length like I did last time. So, it’s probably easier if I just stay away from you, but that means never going onto campus again, which is a bit drastic.
But, I have the solution; the next time I see you I will imagine you, with no teeth, fat, a boil on your face and short. That way I won’t find you attractive and I will stop being a blabbering idiot in your presence.
Only problem is that now I’m going to sound like a cackling hyena, but at least I won’t walk into any trees.
Oh, on a totally unrelated note, next time you turn around and see me run straight into a tree and then run away, please don’t laugh out loud and then come to my rescue.
Brilliant!
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