Time To Retire

To say that this morning started abruptly would be an epic understatement. I am not entirely sure what woke me but suddenly I was sitting bolt upright in my bed with such an extreme ache in my head that it felt as if someone had lodged an axe in it. This was followed by my stomach performing an incredibly impressive number of backflips and then I made the mistake of thinking, just to add insult to injury.

My first thought was; OMG please tell me that I didn’t drive last night! This was followed by; What the hell happened last night? And finally; Stupid polka dot dress! As I am sure you have all figured out by now, I was HORRIBLY hungover this morning. And you’re probably wondering why? Well even if you aren’t, I am going to tell you.

So, yesterday I celebrated my aging another year and gaining a whole new bunch of grey hairs with a kid’s birthday party with all my semi-alcoholic friends. Now after my last birthday party my besty’s boyfriend had to carry me home, feed me chicken McNuggets and tuck me into bed, so I already knew that I was in for a rough time.

I then went and aggravated the powers that be by wearing my Polka Dot dress. For those of you who don’t know what this means I will just say that every time I have worn that dress I have had a blackout binge. Apparently the gods just couldn’t believe that one human being could be so completely suicidal and decided that I needed to be punished for my alcoholic tendencies.

This punishment came in the form of too many jelloshots, a bottle of Villiera’s best champagne, strawberry daiquiris and a few too many rounds of Kings. This resulted in an extremely drunk Kat who only made it to a 18:30 bed time and who doesn’t remember most of the… (Well this is awkward) afternoon.

But not to worry, because from what I see in the pictures it looks as if I enjoyed my birthday party and luckily for me I have you wonderful creatures who got me home safe and sound and even made sure that I had a bucket to throw up in which I didn’t even end up using (self-five).

This morning, however, was a very different story. After chundering my lungs out and reminding myself how stupid I am I realised one very important life lesson; I should NEVER EVER binge drink. So don’t worry Murphy, I have learnt my lesson. I will not be tempting fate again and on that note I am officially retiring the Polka Dot dress.

You will NOT be missed.