Welcome to Hell: AKA The Dating World

The life of being in a full-time, serious relationship is scary. There are so many things that you have to remember and a slight variation to the most perfectly, beautiful sentence can land you up in the dog box for an eternity. It’s scary and demanding and never-ending. But there is something far scarier, and that is being in the dating world.

It sounds pretty awesome. You get to go out with whoever you want to go out with and you can go wherever you want. You’re constantly meeting new people and experiencing new things. It sounds like the dream, what people forget to mention is the aching nausea that comes with meeting someone new, and the painful bruises as you try to do whatever it is your date has decided is appropriate, and that dull laugh in the back of your mind as you slowly realise that the person sitting opposite you is a complete freak.

Yeah, the dating game is HIGHLY over-rated.

This year I have been lucky enough to be exposed to the worst possible dates your mind could ever dare to conjure up. From being stranded in Hout Bay to having a lap-dance in Mavericks from some girl who was way too excited by the prospect of showing me her girly parts, I have seen it all this year.

It all started about mid-February when my boyfriend and I broke up. I was shoved back into the dating world and was nowhere near ready for it. After months of convincing myself that men are evil I finally agreed to go out with another guy. And to my utter surprise I actually enjoyed myself. I was sitting on the grass of a gorgeous wine farm, lazily drinking away as I watched a stream trickle by with a seemingly nice guy.

Based on the success of the first date I decided it couldn’t be too bad. That was until I found myself sitting in a stunning little restaurant in Hout Bay silently wishing to be anywhere other than where I was as my date caused an absolute scene about his food and the service and all sorts of other minor things. As I sat there in complete shock, I watched my only lift back to Stellenbosch throw a tantrum, get up, walk out and drive away leaving me in a town I do not know with a restaurant full of eyes peering at me and the bill.

This was followed by a series of secret crushes on friends until the end of the semester. And then, out of nowhere this REALLY good-looking guy started chatting to me over various social networks. I had met him a couple times and he seemed like a decent guy but generally guys who are that good-looking are a waste of time so I hadn’t given it much thought, however after a month and a half of texting I was more than a little excited to get back to Stellenbosch.

Boy, oh boy, was I in for a surprise.

For months I was strung along on little glimmers of hope followed by deathly silence only to see that tiny little glimmer again. When I eventually realised he wasn’t actually interested, it was already far too late. I had embarrassed myself to the end of the world and back for months on end, and I was not proud. And so, with my self-esteem at a new all-time low, and my tail tucked between my legs, I went back to the drawing board. There had to be a solution to this never ending series of self-abuse.

Bad date followed bad date and the good dates ended with pathetic sentences I always thought I’d only hear in movies until eventually something snapped and I realised I was fighting a losing battle. In one final attempt to replenish my belief in love I started dating a guy I had known since I first moved to Stellenbosch. I was convinced that it was going well when one evening while sitting on my little veranda, sipping at a glass of wine and listening to him playing guitar reality struck yet again and my little fantasy was broken. As I watched another man leave my life I decided in disgust that enough was enough.

And so with my tail still firmly between my legs I’ll disappear into the cosmos until such a time as I have the energy to deal with the unrelenting heart-break that is the world of dating.